***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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