i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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