I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
