I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
