when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
