you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
