I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
