every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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