the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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