i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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