I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
