Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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