dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
