Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
