I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
