I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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