Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
