i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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