i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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