hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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