Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
