I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
