five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
