MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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