She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Randomize
