i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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