So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
