see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
this hospital has no fireball
Come back. Shots need mouths.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am available for nakedness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
