I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
