I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
