Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
