actually, I'm a sock model
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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