The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
