paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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