mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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