Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
