TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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