I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
