They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
