its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
