And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
