the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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