im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
