how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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