just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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