i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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