Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its about making memories worth repressing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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