There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
