Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
