Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my vagina is haunted
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
