we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
