you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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