at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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