honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
