"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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