I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
