It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
