And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
try to milk me bitch
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
