I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
