dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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