I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
