My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
