SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is the high leading the old right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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