Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
