Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
