toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
