Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
