Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
